The first part of this article covered the good aspects of reposition cruises. Get it here.

The Bad

The Establishment: If you have been backpacking for any amount of time, you are accustom to doing everything  yourself. They will take your passport (all passports are stamped as a group at each port) and set the schedule of what time you must return to the ship. It is not that the establishment will make the wrong decisions, but they will make decisions that bring them repeat business. That is not you.

Ports of Call: Remember, a cruise ship is a business. As a business, the cruise ship makes most of their money selling peripherals (shore excursions, drinks, massages, etc.) Therefore, many ports of call, especially on a repositioning cruise, are not exactly set up for independent exploration. This is not to say that a port cannot be explored on foot, but rather that most ports are chosen by their proximity to attractions that are alluring to most cruisies. For example, the boat may dock at a boring city in Australia that is the perfect location to take 3 hour boat trips to the Great Barrier Reef or a full day excursion to the rain forest. Although it is possible (and much more economical) to plan your own adventures, the cruise excursions are the easiest as they will pick you up and drop you off. These excursions are also the most expensive way to see a destination as everyone is looking for their cut (the cruise ship, the bus driver, the tour operator etc.).

The People: People are not always pleasant. Repositioning cruises tend to attract retired and semi-retired people who are accustom to speaking their mind (no matter how offensive) and having their way. Develop a thick skin, be assertive and don’t forget to laugh at the drama. It is not worth the emotional energy to become outraged at the people who think your a decade older (or younger) than your actual age, the people who think you work on the ship (and order a drink or ask for more towels to be delivered to one of the swimming pools), or those who think bashing another culture (i.e. let me tell you why I hate the French) is socially acceptable.

The Ugly

Closed Economy: Many things on a cruise ship are included in the cost of the cruise. However, the items that are not (drinks, certain activities, etc.) are rather expensive. As good capitalists, cruise ships recognize that they are running a monopoly. From beer to shore excursions, a cruise ship will charge prices that make even airport vendors cringe.

The People: Cruisies are like teenage girls at a college frat party. They are eager to impress everyone they meet with their travel qualifications while, at the same time, being slightly insecure about their travel experience. This leads to more country dropping and one upmanship than a male jr. high school locker room.

“I did Italy and Greece last year in 16 days. I liked it so much, that I booked a 60 day cruise for next spring to do Africa.  After we enjoy the safari animals while we do Africa, we might cruise to Antarctica for the March of the Penguins shore excursion?  Our friend Evona did it and she loved it, you should see her pictures.  Not as good as my photos, but you know she tries, I even put all my cruise shots on flicker.  So you just did Brazil?”

This is a classic example of country (or continent) dropping. It also demonstrates the cruisies tendency to utilize different conjugations of the verb to do to describe their travels.

“I did the Mediterranean last year”. “I am going to do Alaska in the fall”. I am doing South America next year.”

Most backpackers know that an individual could spend 2 years traveling the Mediterranean without developing a comprehensive knowledge of the region. To say that you did a country or region in such a short amount of time simultaneously demonstrates a shocking combination of ignorance and arrogance. Needless to say, be prepared for a number of pissing contests.

Final Word

Before you get on a cruise ship, here is what you need to know

• If you want to drink, sneak your wine and liquor on board. Some companies have policies that prohibit this but the astronomical cost of a beer should provide you with sufficient motivation to overcome these restrictions.
• Always have cash with you. Some ports you stop at may not have ATMs or businesses that cash travelers’ checks. The cruise ship can sell you money, but they will charge you a processing fee upwards of (30%). Even loan sharks are not so cut throat.
• If you don’t know how to handle older people, take a plane.
• Cruise ships are not designed for backpackers. Get over it and adapt.
• Don’t take part in the country dropping pissing contests.  If someone asks, share a travel experience that you have enjoyed.
• Remember that at the end of the cruise you get to keep traveling and many of the people you have met will be  going back to their lives. Be sensitive.
• Think of the cruise ship as a ferry. Your job is to get from one place to another while preserving the majority of your travel budget so you can get back to traveling. Don’t get drawn into spending a bunch of money at the bar or on shore excursions.
• Be prepared for awkward personal questions.  i.e. How can you afford this? How old are you? What do your parents think? Do you miss your family? Old people are curious and more willing to ask questions than most people. Try to remember than they are simply curious, not judgmental.
• Get your visas before getting on the ship. You need visas for every port where the ship will stop. Buy them yourself or pay loan shark style prices for the ship to do it for you.

Now go forth backpackers, fully armed with cruise ship knowledge, and enjoy!

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Tags | Logistics, Philosophy